Navigating the Overwhelm
The Mindfulness Approach to Ease Suffering
“Pain exists in the universe; some measure of it is unavoidable. Learning to deal with it is not pessimism, but a very pragmatic form of optimism….Pain is inevitable, suffering is not.” — Bhante Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English, at 93 (2015).
At this very moment, wherever you are as you are reading this, there is tremendous pain happening in the world.
One month ago, on October 7, 2023, the Hamas group in Gaza launched a terrorist attack in Israel, killing over 1,400 defenseless Israeli people, and kidnapping around 240 people. The vast majority of those hostages have yet to be returned to their loved ones.
Since that attack (and as of the writing of this article), Israel has killed over 10,000 Palestinians in Gaza, including over 4,100 children. The United Nations has called Gaza a “graveyard for children.”
In addition to the Israel-Palestine war, there is tremendous grief and suffering occurring as a result of the 6-month war in Sudan — which has been largely ignored by most media outlets.
In April of this year, fighting broke out “between the Sudanese armed forces and the powerful paramilitary group, the Rapid Support Forces.” And this fighting has now (as of the date of this article), led to an estimated 9,000 Sudanese killed and over 5.6 million forced to evacuate their homes, according to the United Nations.
The UN has called the conflict in Sudan a “humanitarian nightmare.”
On top of that, there is the ongoing enslavement of Congolese people in Africa for the purpose of mining cobalt to be used in rechargeable lithium-ion batters so that we can use our phones, computers, and fancy new electric automobiles. Siddarth Kara, author of the book, Cobalt Red, explained to NPR that this
level of degradation, the level of exploitation is on par with old-world slavery.
It is a “horror show” happening in the Congo right now.
And, let’s not forget the conflict that captivated most of the world’s attention earlier this year, and that has taken a backseat lately (at least in the mainstream media): Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. On October 31, 2023, the UN reported that in the five months since the start of this war, at least 9,900 Ukrainian civilians have been killed.
Thousands of civilians are dying in the world every day from violence, war, greed, capitalism, materialism, and colonialism.
If you feel overwhelmed by all of this and other pain in the world or in your own community, you are not alone.
In the face of so much pain, it can be easy to:
→ shut down
→ feel rage and anger
→ lash out at others
→ feel paralyzed in what to do
→ feel hopeless.
Any or all of this is especially true if you (like me) are a highly sensitive person.
But, what can we do in the face of inevitable pain so that we don’t become overwhelmed?
We can learn to turn toward and give space for the pain, so that we can ultimately respond to our and others’ pain from a place of equanimity and not overwhelm.
How to Give Space for the Pain
There’s a beautiful equation developed by Buddhist Monk, Shinzen Young:
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
Do that math for a moment and let it sink in….
This equation recognizes the fundamental notion that Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional.
Resistance to Pain comes it many different forms, like:
→ ignoring it
→ denying it
→ fighting against it
→ being paralyzed by it
→ numbing to it.
When we resist the Pain that we (and others) are experiencing, we exacerbate our Suffering. (Incidentally, that includes responding to Pain with quick-fix, late-night-informercial, toxic positivity. Trying to sugarcoat Pain is just a glossy form of Resistance).
But, you may ask, why is it okay to ease our own Suffering when so many other people are enduring unimaginable Pain and Suffering?
Because, my dear, when we engage in Resistance to our own Pain (or even to the Pain of others), we ultimately increase our own Suffering, which in turn increases the Suffering of others. And when we are Suffering, it is nearly impossible (for physiological reasons) to respond to Pain in a way that is more grounded, resourced, and conscious.
If you want to ease your Suffering in the midst of all the Pain in the world right now and thereby help to ease the Suffering of yourself and others in the world, the invitation is to ease your Resistance.
Resistance in the form of:
→ distractions
→ denying other people’s perspectives and experiences in the name of “being right”
→ raging against all the horror without feeling your deeper Pain
→ checking out completely from what’s happening in the world or your community and just going about business as usual
→ false notions of “doing something” by doom scrolling on social media or watching non-stop news
→ medicating with drugs, alcohol, video games, etc.
→ ignoring your pain
→ weaponizing your pain.
But, how do you even recognize your Resistance — let alone your own Pain? And how do you begin to ease your Resistance?
Here’s Where Mindfulness Can Help
“We need the freedom into which mindfulness invites us — the freedom to not have to follow the patterns of our unconsciousness, either individually or collectively.” — Larry Yang, Awakening Together: The Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community, at xix (2017).
I teach mindfulness — as learned from my teachers, Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield — as having two wings:
(1) the awareness wing, and
(2) the compassion or non-judgment wing.
We need both wings to fly.
In simple terms, you can be paying attention to a moment (the awareness wing), but judging the shit out of it, thereby cutting yourself off from the second wing (which, in reality, probably means that you aren’t paying all that much attention after all).
Mindfulness invites us to pay attention in a particular way — with compassion or as much non-judgment as possible.
Why can it be helpful to fly with those two wings of mindfulness when we’re talking about having less Resistance to our Pain?
As Dr. Ruth King explains (in the context of addressing racism through mindfulness):
There is no greater gift to ourselves than our willingness to be present to our own lives ~ the good, the bad, and the ugly ~ and we do this most effectively through Mindfulness or Insight Meditation….There are many benefits derived from a consistent meditation practice. For example, we open to levels of consciousness that lie deeper than our intellect. Our disguises fade and our aggression diminishes. Our mind becomes tranquil and more manageable, and we act more wisely toward others and ourselves. Not only does meditation decrease fear and worry, it also reduces our heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, oxygen consumption, perspiration, and muscle tension, and improves our immune system and neurotransmitter function.
Bottom line: if we want to ease our Resistance to Pain (for both ourselves and others) so that we and others ultimately Suffer less, we want to learn to put a pause between our impulsive and unconscious reactions to Pain.
In this pause, we gain perspective; we find our breath, our heartbeat, and the ground beneath our feet. We learn how to stay present without distortion or judgment, and discover through our own discernment that the present moment is worth returning to and living fully. Meditation invites us to slow down so that we can experience ourselves clearly, lovingly, and wisely. — Dr. Ruth King
We can find that pause through the two wings of mindfulness: becoming aware of our impulsive reaction and what we are experiencing in the moment, and attending to that moment with compassion and less judgment.
So, in the many moments of Pain that you may be experiencing right now, the invitation is to first pause…
become aware of the Pain as much as you can, which may feel uncomfortable or possibly even unsettling. If so, that’s okay…the invitation is to dip your toe into the awareness of that Pain as much as you can, and then, if needed, pull your toe back out and return again when possible.
Then, secondly, once you’ve dipped your toe into the Pain, take a moment to find compassion or kindness for what you are experiencing. And, if possible, to notice the judgments — the thoughts — that you’re having about the situation, yourself, others, or your pain.
And lastly, without getting carried away by those thoughts and judgments, to turn your awareness to your breath, taking a deep inhale and exhale.
And then repeat…as much as you can.
This is a basic, yet powerful first step in bringing mindfulness in to help ease the Resistance to the Pain.
Mindfulness is not a quick-fix or a hack. The point is not to “make yourself feel better.” In fact, it’s antithetical to the practice of mindfulness to even believe that there’s a point; however, the invitation is to create more space for your Pain. To give yourself the opportunity to notice your reaction — the Resistance — to the Pain. To help ease the Suffering that you may be experiencing. And, ultimately, to respond and move forward from a place of being more settled, grounded, and resourced.
To help you navigate the Pain you may be experiencing, I invite you to check out my guided meditation: RAIN for Challenging Situations. In this meditation, I take you through a powerful mindfulness practice for turning toward your Pain with less Resistance.
Will practicing mindfulness stop the Israel-Palestine war? End the civil war in Sudan? Stop the horror in the Congo? Or end the war in Ukraine?
No.
Can consistently practicing mindfulness help ease your Suffering? Support you in supporting the causes that matter to you? Help you feel more resilient and resourced in challenging times? Give you a way to navigate the overwhelm you may be experiencing?
Yes.
And if all of that is possible…what might be possible for you, your community, and the rest of the world through the practice of mindfulness?
Michele L. Walter is a Certified Professional Coach, Certified Mindfulness Meditation Teacher, and owner of Life From The Summit, Mindfulness and Coaching. She writes about topics that speak to the forgotten GenX’ers who have spent the first part of their lives forging a path to success, only to now realize that they’ve lost themselves along the way. Michele is passionate about guiding these lost and restless 40/50-year-olds back to themselves and what deeply matters to them, so that they can forge a brave new path forward. If you like this article, please consider sharing it or even supporting Michele’s work by buying her a coffee. And come join the Life From The Summit journey to receive weekly insights, resources, and tips.
